headspace

I Don’t Know if I want Babies…

image

An Excerpt from a piece about how my best friend, Kate is pregnant and how I don’t know if I want to ever be Pregnant…

The year that my sister got pregnant was the year our parents sold our childhood house and moved. It was the same year my husband and I moved to New York, from Chicago.

There are things people don’t tell you about moving to New York. Like, at first you bolt upright in bed wondering what you have done. New York doesn’t accept you but instead asks over and over again: Who are you?

I am still trying to answer. Each time I that I do, the idea of kids seem further and further away. In New York in your twenties you can still be a kid. Maybe in New York you can be young forever.

“In a way I am excited. It is such a monumental challenge,” Kate is saying, on the couch. And then we decide there is just too much stuff to think about.

“Like… you probably won’t even have time to masturbate anymore,” I say.

“I was thinking that. Like, will I watch porn when I have a baby? Can one watch porn with a baby?” Kate asks. “I had just been, like, watching some porn and then I realized… I was pregnant when I jerked off to that porn,” says Kate.

“But you will probably watch porn when you are like big pregnant too,” I say.

“Of course I will. I hope I will. I mean I am not going to become a different person. I am still going to like porn.”

Read the story at Thought Catalog